This is not working out at all like I planned it. Staying outside the spheres of influence is harder than it seems; there are moments when I just want to pick up the phone and call everyone, and only the stubborn part of me keeps me from doing it. I don't think that I'm actually making that mental leap from being a screwy individual to a productive yet robotic member of society.
What can I say? Every day has this weird repetitiveness to it... I wake up, check my email, wash up, make a very non-nutritious breakfast, take a shower, get changed into the clothes I've been wearing all week, play some guitar, do some homework in a futile attempt to raise my grades, read a book (or Wikipedia articles, in case I ever get on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and need to know the behaviour of angiosperms), play some video games and lose, and if I'm lucky, I'll have some time to take a walk and mentally kick the crap out of myself. I'm terrified to see what happens when I get a job - being stuck in a rotating wheel of repetition is my nightmare.
The whole shebang isn't really working out too well. I've pushed some friends away, broken connections, and I'm worried that the people who really need me are floundering. There isn't a right decision to make and I have to step on a few feet to rid myself of the past that's chasing me.
20080513
Stuck in the Wheel
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1 comment:
Justin, it's not just you that things didn't work out for. I messed up pretty badly myself. So, you're not alone. I miss you! You and your ninja ways. Take care and I'll keep updating with new blogs.
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