I don't deserve to be happy. That makes me more depressed. So in a way, I'm digging my own grave. Because I'll be trying to be happy, but then I'll just remember...

Do you know what makes me so sad? How easy it is to fake a smile. People like me smile when they're dying, they laugh when their heart breaks, and they crack jokes when everything seems to be going WRONG.

How many people have I seen fall? How many have I made fall? Do I deserve happiness when those who truly deserve it have missed that?

Every night, I look up and wish upon a star, every birthday I blow out those candles and wish... I wish that this world would just let me go. I wish they were no need for people like me.

GODDAMN FUCK FUCK FUCK ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I am almost free. Please don't let me die... I have so much to do... so much to live for. I hate this life, but I still want to live it...

We're all like toy soldiers. We crack, we break, we fall, we dent, we serve our purpose, and then like every other old toy, we're thrown away, worth nothing more than a small scrap of tin and metal. All our lives, all our memories are wasted away in this stinkhole of a life, and when we die, who will remember? All memories fade with age, and one day, there'll come a time when NO ONE will remember you. You can pick life... but why would you want to do that?

Toy Soldiers

How lowly.
How sad.
This broken child,
Like a dropped toy,
Responds slowly,
Acts without meaning,
And falls apart quickly,
After which he is
Taken and thrown away,
No longer useful
To anyone.

Sorry about the lack of updates but I'm writing this huge one on my entire trip, bear with me pls.

On another note, I went to SQ1 today and saw FIVE people I know, plus my friend almost ran into THREE babies. I ate lots of burgers because they were cheap and then I got sick, so bleh.

Last night I was at Aaron's house and we had an adventure when we had to go rescue a friend from her stalker ex-bf. So it was cool. Then we went to Wendy's and made fun of stuff and saw K.C. who thinks I'm crazy AND Napoleon!