Are you going to give me a chance to die before you kill me?

Even if you're the stupidest, ugliest, most utterly moronic kid on the planet, you'll look cool with a set of car keys in your hand. It's social physics.

I'm going to get so fat. Dammit. I feel so damn FAT. Everytime I pass a fast food restaurant, I have to go in and order something. Just because I can.

And work is fun too. I love hanging out with my coworkers, they're awesome and actually pay attention to me (sometimes)! I'd like to make enough money to move out of the cardboard box I'm living in at the moment.

School is okay, I haven't heard from UW yet, so I'm on the edge of writing them a plea. But I'll hold off on it until I'm really desperate. Maybe end of May. Homeworking is at an all-time low. I don't even have to pretend I'm doing homework, because I don't have any.

I picked up "Left Behind." It's all about the Rapture (see previous post). I guess YFC really affected me in the way I see and discuss my faith now. Check out the last few posts for details, but the book was amazing. I finished it in 2 periods, and now I'm working on the second one.

Anyways, I have work tomorrow, and driving class after that. So I'd better be going to sleep. But before I go...

Did you ever wonder what happens when you make a wish? Perhaps, in truth, your wish won't come true. But the act of you making a wish ensures that someone else's wish becomes a reality.

"I wish I had a new car!" *flicks coin into fountain* "Nothing..."

Elsewhere:

"The cancer is in remission. I don't understand, it's like our wish has come true!"

Oh right, also forgot one thing too. I had a big, long conversation on the Rapture today in Data Management.

To start from the top, this will be a lecture, so ready your mind to be blown.

The Rapture is a Christian belief that at the Apocalypse, all good people will be taken to Heaven to be with God. Millions around the world will just disappear. Then the Apocalypse will happen, ie. Four hoursemen, mark of the beast, war, death, whatever.

Sounds far-fetched? Well, check out the evidence:

-Water is becoming the most precious commodity in the world. Predicted by prophets, water will become rarer than oil. With the melting of the polar ice caps and the pollution in our bodies of freshwater, suitable drinking water is becoming scarcer and scarcer. Our cars will soon run on water, replacing oil and gasoline. In the near future, water will become as expensive as oil. You have been warned.

-Nostradamus predicted when the 'dark Pope' is in power, the AntiChrist will rise. Look at the last papal election. A black Pope was a prime candidate. This isn't a racist comment, it's just that Nostradamus' prophecies were known to be accurate but also very mystical and confusing. By 'dark' he could have meant 'black' and with a very good chance of a black Pope being elected soon, the world may be coming to a close.

-The world is heading towards unity. This may seem like a good thing. But it's foretold, not just in the Bible, that this new united world order will be ruled by one man. Look at the facts. Currency is heading towards a single world coin, just look at the Euro for proof. In the future, we'll be united under one government, ruled over by who many speculate may be the AntiChrist. If you've ever heard of Babel, then you know what I mean.

-New technology has made it possible to eliminate the need for paper cash and even credit cards. Engineers and scientists have invented a new chip that can be implanted under your skin that will act as your I.D., credit card, housekey, whatever you can think of. You just scan it and the proper funds will be deducted, your door will open, etc. Soon, everyone will have this chip implanted in them. Here's a link: http://www.greaterthings.com/News/Chip_Implants/index.html
A chip, representing a "United World Order." It's the mark of the Beast, 666.

-This is the one that really blew me away: A friend, whose father is an air traffic controller, told me that all major airlines are now hiring one Christian pilot and one Non-Christian pilot. The reasoning behind this? It's in case the Rapture takes place during a flight. The non-Christian pilot will need to land the plane safely, in the event his partner disappears.

-Also predicted is war in the Holy land, or Israel/Palestine. Look at the conflict between these two nations. People are dying for what they believe is "Holy."

I'm not becoming a Doomsayer. But after discussing the proofs in class, I'm getting a little worried that one day, millions will just disappear, and then...

Wow.

I am speechless. I was at Youth for Christ all weekend, and it was awesome. Truly one of the best times in my entire life.

I have to start from the beginning. At first, when Nicole invited me (to whom I owe my everlasting thanks) I was sorta skeptical. I've been to some prayer groups, or church meetings, and most of them were either really weird or really boring. So I just tagged along because I figured I might meet new people.

Well, I was SOOOOO wrong. YFC was amazing, awesome, like a camp and a rock concert and church mixed into one. I had a lot of fun, we played games, listened to music, hung out, burnt stuff...

Most of what they said I've heard before, but it wasn't boring. To me, it wasn't a new stage in my beliefs but rather a confirmation of those beliefs. I loved watching tough-ass gangsters break down and cry like babies. So awesome.

It was a revelation, a rejuvenation. I can't stop smiling, it was that great. Everyone should go to YFC. It was the best use of $55 I can think of.

We laughed, we cried... we laughed again.

Sigh.

When it ends, I end.

I never meant for things to go this way.

I always thought I could make it. I never imagined that I would give in, that I would fail to control myself. I gave in to my inner wants and needs. I did what I wanted, not what I should have done. I failed myself.

Don't start thinking I'm talking about my life. I mean Magic Cards.

I promised myself I wouldn't play Magic until I was accepted into a university. I have failed. Not only did I play M:tG, I went out and bought more cards, something I promised myself I would refrain from.

Sadly, I still lost every game. But one day...

Okay, now I can start talking about my life.

I need to beg, plead, grovel. I want to go to Waterloo. I need to go there. My cousins have gone to Waterloo. If I fail now, it'll confirm my lack of genetic stability and prove that I'm a freak. Maybe I'm overreacting. But considering I spent my study time playing CARDS... I think I have a right to flip out.

If anyone has a solution...

Sometimes, people make me reel in disgust.

How could you do that? To me, to your friends? Every moment I breathe, every step I take, every second of every day, I will constantly, always think about what you did to me.

My life isn't mine. I live for others. Everything I do, is for the people I care about. So don't hate me for what I do. It's not my choice. It's to make someone happy. You might not know them, but they exist. There are people that I sacrifice for. It's not my life I'm living, I've given my life up to help those that need me.

I'll call people you don't approve of. Don't hate me for it. It's not for me. It's to make those kids, the ones that stay at home with nowhere to go, it's to make them happy.

I'll do things that may seem strange to you. Don't hate me for it. It's to help someone that may be hurt. Or at home crying. Something I have to do.

I'll say things that may seem stupid to you. don't hate me for it. Those words are serious to me. You might not realize it, but the things I say reflect the world that I see.

I won't hate you for what you did to me. But I'll hate you for what you did to yourself.

Who am I talking to? Look into a mirror.

OMG! WE BEAT SILENT HILL 2!

Yeah, that's my part. Check out Red Essence (http://redessence.blogspot.com) to find the details.

It was excellent. Really cool. But we got the suicide ending. Not bad, just an easy ending to get.

Now I need to see that movie.

It's Good Friday today.

I went to church, 3:00 Mass. I had to stand at the back because there were so many people.

The amount of people there... it was staggering. It took 15 minutes just to serve Communion. I was truly inspired by the devotion these people had to Christ...

Not really.

Let's face the facts. How many people showed up today? I'm going to assume around 1000 people. Now, how many people show up for Sunday Mass? Not many. Why bother showing up for Jesus' funeral if you never knew him for his entire life?

Let me use an example. You visit your friend in the hospital. She's pregnant with her first child. The baby is born, and you go to the baby shower. It's a lot of fun, and you really enjoy yourself.

Then, you never talk to that friend again. You never see her kid again. Then, one day, as you're walking down the street, a car comes out of nowhere. You think you're going to die, you can see that the driver's face is tight with horror. You scream.

Then, suddenly, someone pushes you hard from behind. The car hisses past you, barely missing you, but instead, it strikes whoever it is that saved you. You turn around, and it's the child of your old friend, grown up now, but dead.

The funeral is the next day. You show up.

Now here's where the story will take a turn. You might cry for the kid. You might tell everyone what a good life he lead, even though you were never in his life. Or, you might talk on your cell phone. Or tell jokes to your friends you see there. Or chew gum. Or sleep.

What a disgrace. People show up for Good Friday Mass, some of whom never come to Mass any other day, and they chew gum, sleep, talk on the phone, play games, tell jokes...

It makes me sick to think what this world has come to. Don't you people get it? This guy DIED for you, and you show up at his funeral chewing gum with a big smile on your face. Do you really think his dad will ever let you into his house again? Do you think his dad will even like you? Or would the dad throw you out of the place and tell you never to come back?

I wonder if God wants to do that. His son sacrificed himself for all of us. The least we can do is be respectful during his funeral.

I'd just like you to know I'd walk in darkness so you can live in light.

When the sun hides its face,
And the moon takes its place,
I'll meet you in the land of dreams...

Excerpt from "The Hollow Men"
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the emotion
And the act
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Lies the Shadow.

-T.S. Eliot

Ah crap.

I need to get into university. Really, really badly, for my life's sake. I'm a few percent under cutoff, so I'm praying really hard right now for my teachers to save me.

A winner is me.

Albeit a hollow win.

God said "Let there be light!"And Darkness was born.

Did God, in His infinite wisdom, realize that when He created light, darkness came into being? Did He know that creating life would lead to death? Joy to sorrow? Hope to despair?

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Even God has to obey His own rules.

But in a world filled with darkness, death, sorrow, and despair, I know there's one thing that I can count on to make me happy.

And that's Free Colonge, Bubble Tea, Whale Testicles, Brushing Teeth, Timmadog, Steel Balls of Steel, Hamsters with Bellpepper-legs, and Food from Children.

To tell you the truth, I would glady sacrifice my nuts in the name of science.

It's a rare day that people will spend with God. Strange to think about, but many people go about their daily lives, not even going to mass once a week and forgetting who put us here.

People, in church, chewing gum, listening to music, going out of tradition or habit or fear of the divine, but not really there for God, no, but rather to save themselves. Walk around, most of the population is ignorant of God. Look at the number of crimes, the number of horrors commited, behind the curtains, and you'll get a taste of the true nature of the world.

But today, 500 students gave up a day for Jesus. Perhaps they just want to get out of class, or merely dance with their friends... but it was an effort, a sacrifice, perhaps not an honest one, but a day to appreciate God.

I'm a terrible hypocrite: I went merely because it was my last year and I wanted to go at least once. But I had fun. A rare thing for me, to really have fun, but with my friends all around me, my shirt soaked, sweaty people pressing in all around, loud deafening music... Heh. It sounds really gross, but I had a lot of fun.

So thanks a lot to all of you people who were at the JJ, I owe one day of fun to you.

I could be killing you right now.

You could be killing yourself.

Or you might already be dead.

The actions and decisions you make now could affect your life forever. A scene in the future: You're sitting in a wheelchair, remembering the past. A thought comes to mind, "I remember that post I read, a long time ago. What a strange post." And right then, a heart attack will strike you down from the stress caused by thinking that very thought.

Just by reading this, you may have sealed your own fate. Or a joke you heard the other day, remembered in the far future when your heart isn't so strong, might kill you. Or even the thought of an old friend might be your downfall.

Anything you do could lead to your death. Nowhere is safe. Time flows, and you with it, and when it reaches your stop, you have to get off. It's inevitably set from our births. You may have already made that fatal error, already done something that will cause you to die. You'll never know, at least not conciously. You might have a strange, foreboding horror deep within your mind, a product of divine inspiration and foresight, that predicts your death.

So if this kills you, I'm sorry. But it had to be done, and it was inescapable.

It's always on you. Take a look down the rabbit hole and you'll see it looking back. Yeah, the big red eye. It's a little scary if you don't know what it is. But hey, that's what you're for right? Don't be confused. Don't be scared. You're just looking at yourself in a different light.

Take the red pill. Take the blue pill. It doesn't make too much of a difference. The world is a mirror, but you have to be careful not to break it. You could have 7 years of bad luck. And watch out for those shadows lurking behind the curtains. They're not who you are, and you're not who they are. Just be wary of the ones who walk where shadows grow. If you try to pull back the curtain, if you attempt to glimpse the unthinkable... Your eyes, your eyes aren't your own anymore. They absorb the horror, the shadow, the darkness, and then, all of a sudden, when you look into the mirror, those aren't your eyes. They're someone else's eyes, in your head. And make sure you don't break the mirror. Because eyes full of horror will break anyone, even if they're your own.