Skull beneath the Skin

People are much possessed by death. In every corner of the world, people kill, and people obsess over death more than life. Murders and horror stories appeal more to the human psyche - but why?

Is everyone so caught up in hatred that they enjoy the stories of suffering on the daily news? The Christmas season is a time of relaxation and love, yet there are shootings, overdoses, kidnappings and robberies daily.

Humans scare me.

Recollections

I was sitting in my room this morning when I began to think of some of the more exciting moments in my life, and I thought back to many times when me and my friends used to stage 'ant fights' that would make PETA shit their breeches. Of course, one thought led to another, and soon I was contemplating on the 'Poo Pot Pie' we made back in elementary school. For your amusement, I've compiled a short montage of things I've done over the course of my life.

On my fourth birthday, my ice-cream cake melted in my lap when I was taking a photo. I tried to hold my smile for as long as I could, but as Murphy's Law would have it, my composure broke just as the camera snapped, taking a nice picture of my bawling face as cold ice-cream rolled down my pants.

Once, when trying to jump down the stairs, I slammed my forehead into the ceiling, then did a full-out somersault, landing on my face at the bottom.

When I was six, I invited my mom to come 'camping' with me. I set up a tent in my bedroom then made her drink small cups of water and eat a pack of those crappy Halloween chips. Sorry mom.

In Grade 8, I broke my French teacher's mind when she caught me drinking packets of hot sauce when her back was turned. I also used to gulp air and let out horrendous burps at the worst possible moments, then meekly apologize before doing it again.

A few years previously, in Grade 6, a number of my classmates and I began to sway back and forth in tandem. Our teacher thought she was going insane and ran out of the classroom to throw up. In hindsight, it wasn't really funny, but at the time, we thought it was hilarious.

Once, I borrowed a book from the library, called "Love Letters" and lost it, incurring the eternal wrath of the librarians. When we moved house, I found it buried under the sofa, and I still have it on my bookshelf.

When I was in Malaysia, I left a half-eaten lollipop on my dresser before I went to sleep. The next morning, we spent an hour destroying the living carpet of ants that had crawled onto my bed during the night.

In elementary school, we used to play a game called "Elevator Shaft." One person would stand in the center of a group of 4 people, who would scream "ELEVATOR SHAFT!" and proceed to body-check him simultaneously, crushing his ribcage. I don't know why we thought this was fun.

Once, my gym teacher threw his shoe backwards over his shoulder and it went into the basketball net.

My friends and I discovered a bush that grew 'poison berries'. We used the juice to 'poison' ants, who most likely drowned as opposed to being poisoned. I know this because when my friends weren't looking, I ate a few.

I jumped off a bench once and landed on my head.

When I was a kid, I used to look at my butt in the mirror and imagine it was talking to me.

Once, I got scared because I thought the glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs on my wall were moving, so I ran to my parents' room. It turns out that I had really bad eyesight from reading 'Encyclopedia Brown' books under my pillow at night, and then I got glasses.

I used the disconnected support strut from a baby mobile as a pretend gun. I also took bottles of water for grenades and a flashlight as a laser. Then I went hunting for aliens in my dark basement, until I tripped and slammed my head into the washing machine.

Just yesterday, I starting singing quietly to myself while walking down the street, and when I got to the end of the road, I realized some lady had been walking behind me and listening to my random mumblings. When she saw that I had spotted her, she crossed over to the other side of the road.

Waking Up

I woke up the other morning at around 7:30 to the buzz of Dean, Jason and Todd, courtesy of my clock radio.

I lay there for a little while, trying to plan my day.

I had Software class at 8:30. I also needed to finish my lab report due at twelve. Maybe if I had some time I'd grab some breakfast - which reminded me I needed to go buy some eggs. I also needed to shower, brush my teeth, get changed, and check Facebook for any events that may have come up.

Anyways, I was considering getting up to brush my teeth, but another glance at the clock reminded me that the walk to school would take about 20 minutes, if I didn't catch the bus. So I decided that I might save some time by brushing my teeth while in the shower, because I really wanted to spend some time browsing Facebook.

But then I realized that by the time I was done, I wouldn't have any time to eat breakfast, and I was pretty hungry that morning. So maybe I could eat breakfast on my way to school, and brush my teeth in the shower.

It was only after I was about to get up that I remembered my lab report due at noon. I really had to get that done, but it was on my laptop. So if I walked while typing with one hand, I might be able to finish by 12, then have time to do something fun this afternoon.

But then I remembered breakfast, and carrying my laptop while typing and eating required a number of extra hands. So my best bet was to do my lab report during software class, and eat on the way to school, and to brush my teeth during my shower, and that way I'd have time to go buy some eggs after class to make myself some real food.

Finally, I sat up in bed and looked at my clock to see how much time I had left. It was already 8:30, so I decided to go back to sleep.

An Encounter Along a Busy Street

Weep for the world, for the people in it. Cry for the loss of innocence, and the feelings we cannot put into words.


I was walking down the grey, rainy streets the other day when I heard a short cry from a nearby pine tree. By prior life experience, I concluded that pine trees do not yelp, and thus the noise must have come from somewhere beneath the tree.

I slung my weighted backpack off my shoulders, placing it on the wet sidewalk with a soft thud. I wasn't too worried - I only had my physics lab report in it. If it got wet... well, it was a piece of crud anyways.

Kneeling down, I took a look underneath the dripping branches. I must have looked odd to any passerby. My entire body was soaked, and I was kneeling in a puddle (that I had just noticed when I put my knees in it).

As I peered under the tree boughs, I was surprised to see what appeared to be a silvery reflection of my own eyes in the shadows. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the eyes belonged to something else - in this case, a cat, who had unwittingly crawled under the prickly pine, and had somehow gotten lodged inside.

I didn't know whether it had been chasing a mouse, with such blind concentration that it had found itself wedged under a tree, or if it had crawled in to get out of the pouring rain. As I looked the cat in the eyes, it looked me back - a look of predatory instinct, a wariness few humans can fathom, one truly belonging to a lord of the animal kingdom.

I tried to coax it out, but it merely stared at me with an almost amused expression. It was dry, while I was wet, and for a moment I considered diving under the tree to join it. It seemed so content in just watching me struggle to make that connection between animal and human.

Eventually, I gave up. I waved goodbye to the small cat, hidden under the tree. To my surprise, when I had moved a few steps, it dashed out from under the pine, fast as lightning, bolting to the other side of the street. Once it had safely reached the other sidewalk, it stopped and turned to look back at me. Then it was gone.

I don't know what it was thinking. But I felt a little bit honored, as if the cat had taken some time out of its busy schedule of chasing small woodland creatures, just to consider me. For the rest of the day, I walked around with a small grin on my face.

I walked back from school today, along the same street. I kept an eye out for the cat, even stopping to check underneath the same tree. But it wasn't there. Like a ghost, it had stopped, momentarily, in my life, then vanished in the winter breeze. But the few minutes I shared with it were worth my time.

In our busy schedule, where everything seems to happen at the speed of light, when can we find time for small miracles? MSN and emoticons have replaced the spoken word and true emotion, and the advent of technology has heralded the demise of real-life interaction. If only there was a small cat for all of us.

I still check under that tree every day.

Okay.

It's been a decent week.

Quiet on the front.

I haven't been home for a while.

Why Me?

The sky fades and the world changes, over and over again.

How delusional I am. It's so easy to hate...

So easy to hate... what a piece of shit I am.

What the hell is right with you? Did I need a sun in my life? It's a wall of defenses I've built up; a fortress of solitude, just like Superman. I armored myself with humour, constructed a finely detailed web of lies, put on my facade, pretended to find those jokes funny. I thought nothing would ever get through. I thought I never wanted anything to get through.

How did you pierce that wall? What weapon did you use to break me down, to open my heart, to stare deep into my thoughts? A pair of soul-binoculars couldn't have done a better job than you. Like a bird, you flew into my web, tangled yourself in my lines of lies, confused me to no end. You broke into my life, causing me to write terribly bad emo prose.

And now? What can I do? What can I say? There's nothing left for me to hide, there's no picture in my thoughts you haven't uncovered. Did I ever want to be like this? You've become the crack in the wall through which light shines in. You're the open door, the horizon in my mind, the Friday night to my week. You're the best part of my life... but I never asked for you.

The Rapy

Drisk and The Rapy are the best games evar.

Playing Risk 2210 is fun by itself, but factor in the "Drink whenever you kill a unit" and the game gets that much better. Somehow, I managed to hole out in Hong Kong while Spackman raped across the board, laying waste to all his armies conquered, scoring myself second place. My army also had an unnaturally high kill rate while defending, which led to my untimely demise at the hands of intoxication.

As for The Rapy, I had the misfortune of being asked rather ridiculous questions, such as the classic "Which body part would you improve?" You only get one guess as to what I put.

Black and White

What we say is open to interpretation.

Is it so wrong to see the world in shades of grey? Darkness steals away your sight... but light is blinding too. No, I prefer the world of black and white I live in. Duality is my code, and a skewed view is my angle on life.

We're always trying to see behind the eyes of others. How many times have we blocked off the windows to the soul, drawn curtains across our eyes and hidden our thoughts? When I wake up, I cover my face and put on a smiling mask to show the world. Over time, which is real? Have I become my facade?

What happens when it is the dream that awakens, and the dreamer that fades into memory? What happens when the masks we wear become our faces? What happens to us when we pretend to be someone we're not?

Yes, I'm just one person. I'm not that innocent, not that lost, not as bewildered as I seem to be. But I do try at it, and I'm rather good at it, if you haven't noticed. Walrus.

...

I long for many things. A hand to hold mine in the dark. Someone to walk with on that cold river of the heart. Success, as we all wish for ourselves. Happiness.

Is it sad that I don't believe in that anymore? It's like wishing for a pet unicorn, superpowers, a magical lamp. You hope, you wish, you pray, but you're just grasping thoughts and cobwebs. The path I've chosen, the way I've set out for myself, denies me the simpleness of life, no matter how simple I try to be. They call it 'walking wounded', which is just a fancy way of saying you are totally fucked.

It's the porcupine scenario. I want someone to sit with under the stars. I need someone to hold my hand on those cold nights. But I'm a porcupine, and whenever anyone gets close, I push them so hard into the 'friend' zone they get shell-shock. It's the pain of being black and white; either you reject everything, or you absorb everything. My dual sides, respectively. One pushing away the world, while the other absorbing its problems.

Yes, I'm happy in my own way. I'm satisfied with who I am. I wish I could be more, but that relies on my ability to improve, and I'm really lazy.

...

I can't see the future anymore than you can. But I still go at it, working the timelines, trying to do what I can, to twist and turn the innumerable paths we can go down. Altering the present, giving and taking what I can. And no matter what I say, I still have hope. What a hypocrisy. If I were ever in politics, I'd get kicked out of office faster than Wile E. Coyote after the Roadrunner.

Yes, I do what I can, and many times I fail... it's all just black and white.

Frosh Week

To recap:

Saturday, Move-in: Fucking awesome.

Sunday, Move-in: Fucking awesome.

Monday, Bedraces, Meeting #1: Fucking awesome.

Tuesday, Faculty Day: Fucking awesome.

Wednesday, Airbands, Meeting #2: Fucking awesome.

Thursday, GekON: Fucking awesome.

Friday, Buspull, Grad, FW Pub: Fucking awesome.

I drank 60 tubes of freezie juice, ate an uberhotdog, drank a bottle of tabasco sauce, had red bull with wheaties, and got printed in the Plumbline. I ran around campus with a kite attached to my back, a sign taped to my body, wearing a newspaper-pope-hat, and scared the shit out of frosh. I screamed until I lost my voice. I am not a part-timer.

So now you know how my week was. So cool.

FaneXpo 2007

Just to note: I went back to TKD for the first time in over a month and my arms and stomach are killing me. I think I just laid on 5 pounds in the last two days.

As for current events, I am no longer ticked off I didn't get to go to Projekt Revolution. Instead, we went here:

Fan Expo '07!

It was CRAZY FUN. For 25 bucks though, I'd say it was a little expensive, but worth it in free stuff.

I headed down with Aaron Ho and his uncle Jeff, early at 10 am. The actual event was in the MTCC, so we had to drive down and find some parking before we headed in. During the ride, we debated on the best and quickest way to get kicked out. Options including screaming at people, jumping on backs, switching board game pieces, telling people not to drop the soap, etc.

We arrived. There were many people there.

Long lines suck hard.

But cards/comics/action figures worth it!

The lines were long, so we ended up waiting for about 15 minutes for tickets (note: next year, buy online!). Standing in line was just as fun, and we made a couple of people jump with our random screams of, "IT'S THE MAP!" and "AHHH!!! GET IT AWAY!!!" and "HA! HA!"

Tickets in hand, we headed downstairs. Instantly, we were hit by the smell of sweat and stale breath, also known as the smell of geek. You would not believe the amount of cosplayers.

Some were cute.

It'ssssss BOMBERMAN!

Oh Midna, you can ride on my back any day.

Some were intimidating.

Please, have mercy! I need my legs to walk!

I'm not with the aliens, I swear!

And some were just gross. I'm not going to include a picture, but imagine a rotund middle-aged man dressed in a skimpy sailor moon outfit. Apparently, he lost a bet.

There were a lot of anime characters like Naruto and Bleach. Some Cardcaptor Sakura, and a few Shaman King. There were also Trekkers from the Federation. But Star Wars took the cake for best cosplayers.

We saw like, 10 Jango Fetts. They must have been clones.

*fangasm*

Rebel scum!

Credits to redandjohnny for the above two photos

There was one picture I missed of Darth Vader choking a Star Trek Federation officer. There was also a Jawa with real glowing eyes, a wookie, a Twi'lek female, and many, many stormtroopers. The 501 (Vader's Fist) was there, but the best costume in my opinion was the little kid dressed up as Yoda.

Also of special note was this guy:


He was Zabuza from Naruto, and the only reason I include him here is because of the size of his weapon. No, I mean his sword, don't be a perv. That's stereotyping.

I picked up a few posters too, for free, along with buttons and stickers and a ton of other free stuff. I blame the Chinese in me. I can't turn down anything with the word 'free' in it.

I ended up buying 'It's a Bird...' by Steven Seagal, one of my all-time fav books, a 'cat-ear' hat for my sister, some M:tG cards, a few patches for the Redsuit, and a wooden sword. Aaron bought a sword too, and also a V for Vendetta mask. We had some odd looks, with me, the cat-hat samurai, and him, the V-with-sword-guy. One passerby said, "That's the worst V costume I've ever seen," and another guy gave us the thumbs up when we passed by in the car.

Some influential people were present. A lot of artists, for sure, but of special note were George Romero (Dawn of the Dead), Jake Lloyd (young Anakin in Episode I), Adam West (Original batman, Family Guy), Tricia Helfer (Number 6 on Battlestar Galactica), Daniel Logan and Temuera Morrison (Young Boba and Jango Fett), David Prowse (Darth Vader), Jonathan Frakes (Commander Riker), Malcolm McDowell (Heroes, H.R.G.), Veronica Taylor (Voice of Ash Ketchum, Pokemon), and many many others. I didn't get any autographs, but I did catch a glimpse of all of them, which was enough for me. I also got to meet the creators of 'Looking for Group', an awesome webcomic you can find here: http://www.lfgcomic.com/

All in all, a fun day. The best part was making random screams and monkey noises in the crowded convention center, but a close second was seeing all the great costumes. Next year, we're going as a Snowtrooper (Uncle Jeff), V (Aaron), and Dr. McNinja (me).

So it was worth it, in my book. Free stuff, and awesome gear, plus the chance to annoy people and meet some famous dudes and dudettes. Remind me to come again next year, and to bring the nerd repellent along, just in case.

Projekt Revolution

I'm mighty ticked I didn't get to see the Projekt Revolution concert yesterday. I just caught it on myspace.com/nowwhat streaming live, and it looks really good.

Yeah, I'm a complainotron.

Circular Motion

When does it all end? It's just another seamless circle of bad karma.

I was out the other day with a few friends and we were at a coffee shop, talking about music and guitar and the events in our lives. And then I said,

"You know, a few years back, I used to pass by coffee shops and see these university students, relaxing and talking about cool things like music and guitar, and I used to think that their lives were perfect. But now I'm in that position, looking back, and my life is so very far from perfect. It's a little depressing to know that life just gets harder..."

Isn't it odd how you think everyone else has a perfect life? I'm sure some people have better lives, and people have worse lives, but everyone also has their share of life's problems. We may have different problems, but it's our attitude towards life that determines how we overcome our obstacles.

Take me for example. I have buckets of problems, including my calculus test tomorrow, but the best I can do is be optimistic and look forward to the future, and not dwell on the past or present. But then there are people who have to scrounge for food to survive, and although our problems may be different, there's still the same difficulty and struggle behind each.

I'm lucky because I've been given a lot, and I don't have to struggle as hard as others to survive. And I know that even spoiled brats have problems of their own, and what I envy in them is what others envy in me. I'm sure homeless and poor people on the streets watch us with a hint of jealousy and hostility, wishing they could have what is ours.

The world is pretty much perfect, it's just the people in it.

Ladeeda

When did 10/18 become a GOOD mark?

My birthday is coming up once again. I personally don't like to celebrate, mainly because it seems so pointless. Not to sound pessimistic, but it just reminds me I'm another year older, another year passed with a ton of mistakes, a few happy points, but mostly just wasted time and missed opportunities. But I'll be 19! 19 = legal, irresponsibility! So maybe I'll plan something, who knows? Right now, celebrating my birthday seems to have the same appeal as making my own soap from animal fat.

In recent news, I was sitting in my room one warm Hamilton day, playing GALACTIC CIVILIZATIONS 2 (the longest, most nerdiest game you can possibly find) when I heard footsteps outside my locked door. Naturally, I assumed my roommates were home, so I took a quick look out, and saw the FUCKING NASTIEST MOUSE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Eventually we pinned it to a wall with a binder and a bottle and shoved it into an empty seaweed container.

Two days later it died in a puddle of its own excrements. It was the saddest thing I've seen, and I watch American Idol. I tossed it in the garbage, but now that I think about it, I should have put it in my prof's coffee.

I also have obtained a new phone. Running around, unreachable and free, eventually showed its downsides, such as getting lost/having to walk home/a noticeable lack of quarters/no buzzing in my pants. So I picked up a family plan and a sweet Sony Ericsson W810i, walkman/camera/phone. I actually got the phone for a discount, thanks to my mom and her insane chinese bargaining skills.

Well, anyways. Calculus test is on Thursday, and I'm trying to match my 10/18 score again. So I leave you with this koan:

What does God do when a kitten masturbates?

Suck

So tired. Summer school is terrible... three hour classes in a hot, stuffy room that smells fishier than Michael Jackson, along with the pickled ball sweat reeking from every inch of the room, and the constant barrage of Calculus.

Hamilton kind of sucks too. It's like being doused in fresh urine.

Today, of all days.

It's been yet another year.

Sometimes I wonder,
If I were to follow you...
But no, I guess not.

It's been too long,
And the sun still hasn't risen.

The Meaning of Life

This world is insane.

People are so lazy these days. I used to play outside all the time when I was a kid. I used to build snow forts, and play tag, and ride around on my bike trying to do wheelies and 'no hands'...

But the world has changed. I hardly see kids outside anymore, because most of them are stuck inside playing video games and watching youtube. When was the last time my friends called me? Now it's just MSN and Facebook.

I was asking my friends what they thought of current events. Hardly anyone knows what G8 is. No, it's not the 'Great Eight'. No one cares about Omar Khadr, no one even knows what Guantanamo Bay means. The apparent Russian missile crisis falls on deaf ears.

What happened? People are so willing to let the world pass them by, to just watch as events take place around them, but are unwilling to help at all. Global warming is just something someone else will deal with. 'The world can't affect me' is a common cry amongst the ignorant. Do you really believe that worldwide events can't harm you? 15-year-old Jordan Manners was shot in school. This could happen to anyone, anywhere. Of course the world can affect you.

I always claimed there was a greater ambition than to merely standing high in the world. It's to kneel down and lift the rest of the world a little higher. Who do we remember in history? We remember Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Ghandi, Jesus Christ. These are the people who gave their lives to serve, to help others, to aid strangers and give kindness to those who need it. Do we remember the rich, or the famous? Even the movies stars of our day will pass into obscurity once their time has ended.

So I present to you the meaning of life. Life is to work at making the world a better place for everyone before your time is up. The people who we consider to have the most fulfilling lives are not the rich, but those who have spent their lives to help others. Those are the people we remember. And the meaning of life is simple: To help others.

Don't be a fucking idiot. Ignorance isn't innocence, but sin. Do what you can. Don't just be alive, live instead. If you let life pass you by, if you just sit and do things in routine, what's the point? Even zombies have more goddamn purpose than people who ignore the cries of the world.

Indeed.

So yes.

I went to see Spiderman! Or, I was supposed to.

"Hey mom, you using the car tomorrow?"

"No, I'm not."

"Okay, I'm gonna watch Spiderman 3 with a few friends."

*The next morning*

"Okay, I'm going to go watch Spiderman. I'll be back later."

"Oh. I'm going to visit your grandma, then pick up your sister. I also have work this afternoon."

"But you said you weren't using the car."

"Well, I am. Take a bus. You can always see Spiderman tomorrow."

"My friends are busy. They have work. They won't be free until 2 weeks from now. Spiderman isn't going to stay in theatres forever."

"Well, you should have known I was going to work. I assumed you were going to use the car during the morning."

"I asked if you were using the car today, and you said no. What I assumed was that No meant No. I didn't know No meant Yes."


So there you have it. That was my day in a nutshell. Then I got sent out to scoop dog poop.

This is the opposite of suck.

Ah crap, there goes my summer, out the window, down the drain, into the cake, under the panda...

I attempted to clean my room the other day. I found many things hidden in odd places. There was a sock between my mattress and the bedframe. It was not my sock. There was also a box full of marbles. This threw me off because the box was clearly labelled 'Kinder Surprise', although I suppose marbles instead of chocoloate is somewhat of a surprise.

Rocket Strike Moon and our Spicy Chicken songs. What an unexpected twist in the middle of the night, especially the foray to the Burger King that claimed to be open until midnight but was merely just the drive-thru. And the burning, the burning deep within my bowels.

My phone buttons no longer work.

Another Year

So I've updated my official blog with fancy new colors.

Anyways, exams are almost done. I spent most of the day helping friends move out... it's a little sad to see them go. These are people I constantly annoyed and bugged the living shit out of, so I'm pretty sure my family is a little apprehensive at me coming home. I only have one left, Economics, on Thursday, so after that, I'll be looking for a job somewhere nearby.

So, how was first year? I gotta say, it was a HUGE blow to the learny-part of my brain. I learned how to cook and clean, and how to do things for myself, like how to wash my underwear and change my diapers. Never lost sight of myself though... which I suppose is a good thing. Was fun while it lasted. Met lots of people... and I gotta say, in the words of an old famous guy, "I know less than half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

Heroes (C) is back on tonight, so I'll be watching that. 24, Prisonbreak, Black Donnelly's... etc etc. Spent my time watching House on my computer too. No wonder the calculus exam killed me... Ah well. Speaking of calc, ever been thrown out of a window into a volcano? Because it was like that.

Hahaha I bet no one reads this. I'm ranting to myself. But then again, I do that all the time. Do what? Rant to myself. Why would you do that? Because I'm insane and completely mental. Yeah you are. Well you are too, so there. Shut up. I hope people find this endearing rather than completely creepy you dumb n00b. Hey, I'm only a noob at DotA. Lol yeah, remember that 1-25 match? Yeah, lol, so bad, but at least I'm decent in BR. I bet I could beat you in BR. How can you beat yourself at BR you idiot?! Well, what if I closed my eyes? Are you retarded? Well yes, I am the stupid part of the personality. And I'm the part that tells you to shut up, so shut it before I break your jaw off. Ooh, aren't we testy? SHUT UP! Okay, jeez, I'm just - Shut up shut up shut up lalalalaaaaaaaaaa...

A Deadly Day

So I've been feeling a little unbalanced lately.

Woke up this morning. I let Sloth sleep while I went to brush my teeth. Had a breakfast date with Gluttony, then had to meet Greed at the ATM at 9:00. My exam was a bit later, so I hung out with Lust at the gym until then. Wrath met me outside the classroom and we wrote the exam together. It was pretty hard, and both Envy and I spend the day discussing the class marks. I think I did reasonably well though, as did Pride. So that was my day in a nutshell.

Ever get the feeling you're not alone?

An Alliterative Awkward Adventure

So I'm at Thode library now attempting to study for Matsci exam on Tuesday. Attempting, because I am failing miserably, and I realize that bringing my LAPTOP is a bad idea along the lines of bell bottoms and toe socks.

So it's Easter Sunday. I was going to go to church today, but the church I regularly frequent was *gasp* closed, for some odd reason. As I waited by the locked doors hoping for Jesus himself to descend from the heavens and kick down the wooden door in my way, a few more people joined us, until a small crowd of 7 people had gathered in front of the barred church.

We stood there like a bunch of idiots as cars passed by and gave us very direct looks that said, 'Wtf.' Eventually, we decided to go on a 'quest' to find a Sunday mass to attend. I mean, who locks church on Easter? Isn't it supposed to be 'sanctuary' and there when you need it? Well, no choice. Like Frodo and his friends, we set out on an adventure, but hopefully with lower casualties and no fiery volcano (Sorry, I had to sneak a LOTR ref in there somewhere).

We ended up at 134 Emerson, at St. George's Reformed Episcopal church. We hesitated at the threshold, then balked as the minister offered to serve us communion in the chapel. It's always strange and awkward entering another religion's church, especially if you have wild thought about 'If you cross our threshold you belong to our religion now,' or 'If you eat our food, you're one of us.'

A few of us were unaccustomed to the sacrament of wine at communion, so it was pretty awkward especially when you were caught between refusing the wine (and possibly offending the minister) or accepting the wine (and possibly offending God himself). In some cases, a few among us risked the lightning bolts and accepted the wine, and in others, excuses were made (I need to go... study). And some of us didn't know the wine was alcoholic and almost sprayed it back at the minister in shock. Luckily, it never happened (but imagine if it did ><).

After that, if it wasn't awkward enough, the minister invited us to a party. So this was running through my head: "Oh, you came to our church as a last resort? Okay, let's serve you communion. Mass? Oh we can skip mass, not like you care. Since you're here, why don't you come to our party, so you can steal our food and take more advantage of our hospitality?"

Yeah, so it was pretty awkward. But of course, that was my own paranoia running away with me. The members of the parish were pretty nice and the food was great. They even invited us to come again. Except for the fact that in my mind, I was constantly on guard for someone to launch a 'sneak-conversion' on me and inform me that because of some obscure clause I was a Reformed Episcopal now.

So all in all, I gotta say it's been a pretty weird morning. I met new people, got locked out of church, experienced Reformed Episcopal church and went to a party. Go me.

Frigidaire

So I'm a Redsuit.

I watched so many movies today that my head feels like there's a beaver in it. A chainsaw beaver. Or those annoying guys from Bell. Fantastic Four, The Hills have Eyes, Terminator 3, The Grudge 2...

And I ate food. That's good too. Because it was good food.

Am I talking too much? Maybe I better reassert myself. *Find a cheerleader and cut her legs off* (Kudos to those who get the Nny reference). I lost the Game right now too, which sucks as it's the 4th time I've lost today. Come to think of it, you lose the Game too.

I bought a box of 48 Caramilks for 50 bucks. I need to get rid of money on my mealplan so I've been buying in bulk. I don't want the school to leech more money off me than it already has. I'm probably going to be working for 10 freakin' years after I grad just to pay off school fees.

Way too much guitar playing too. Three Days Grace, The Decemberists, and Bright Eyes, at a friend's request. I've been having a lot of fun, but I like playing in groups, I miss it from highschool. Especially at lunch, where we'd just sit down... and say 'Is that yours?' Lol.

...

What is kakorrhaphiophobia?

Surge

Hope has three daughters.

Anger and Courage and Truth. Did you know that? Yeah, you probably knew that. I mean, that's your department, super hero. Death isn't scary. Surrender is. Do you know what death will do to the crowd below? It will make them fight harder for freedom.

Open up the box and search for that treat at the bottom. Hope for something good.



You were always talking about responsibility. You didn't want it anymore, so I took it. But with great responsibility, comes great power.

You never knew, did you? Surprise surprise. It was so easy to find. Together, we did what you could only dream of! We saved it from itself. Why would you think otherwise? My entire existence is about this! I am the responsibility that you shirked. You brought me to this world, and made me its prisoner. How could you ever think something else, with your selfish mentality and tastes and your feelings?

Yes, we were all doing our jobs. Solitude, not because you could, but because you chose not to. Because your heart was stronger than your fists. The price of freedom, the price to fly is small... but not all creatures want to fly. There is a cost for that.

I've faced my fears all day. But you... what do you see?

Headache

I have a major headache and way too many assignments to do. I feel like my brain is having a hernia. I've just downed like, a billion advil and nothing. This must be how Harry Potter feels ALL THE TIME.

Let's see.

-Yesterday: Engineering Mystery Road trip! We ended up going to some Burlington sports bar. I played dodgeball and ball hockey all night. It was insanely fun and really intense and I almost shat myself but held on FTW.

-I forgot about Mechapope. Yeah, sorry you guys. It was supposed to be for the Plumbline, but w/e.

-Vacumned. Oh my gorsh our floor actually looks somewhat clean, if you remove the peanut shells, dirt and semen from the carpet. (I was kidding about the last one, it's usually all over the bathroom floor)

-Played Game Boy. Yeah you heard me. Super Mario Land in the middle of physics is like an oasis full of hot sexy women in the middle of the Mcmaster Engineering sausagefest.

-Money. I have way too much money. Still got more than 1000 left on my student card and only a month or so to spend it. So I'm going to buy 2000 bricks of instant noodle to build a house with. Or tons of Kinder Surprise Eggs.

-Posted. A new story to be precise. And a new 'poem' although I like to refrain from calling my crappy brain spewings poetry. Check www.nookish.com and my Arcanum site for details.


Have a good night people. Watch out for eating oysters that shit themselves.

pr0n

I just discovered the joys of Nvidia NView Desktop switching! Now I can swirl my mouse and it changes to a new desktop!

Which means if I am playing video games, I can easily switch over to a screen full of work if my mom comes by. Or if I'd rather watch dubious videos full of sexual content (aka pr0n) I can switch to video games in an instant. Not that I'd ever do that. Or admit to doing that ;)

Anyhows, reading week was fun. I had another downtown trip, etc etc. But it felt weird NOT to be doing work, which is proof I've finally gone insane(r). It's good to be back... nothing like midnight walks looking like a rapist to scare the willies out of passive observers.

I also love class. I have the inability to be serious at any time, so conversations go from securing water pumps to Power Rangers. Or Raffi. Or Arthur, robots, and other random and -

Wow. Deja Vu.

Godspeed

So sad to see myself go.

It's always a little odd, when I watch the sun set on another day, and the stars come out.

I wonder if somewhere out there, my friends remember me? I know I've lost a lot of people I once knew... but I still think about them with every memory, good or bad.

The kids I used to hang out with back in kindergarten... where are you now?
The girl I talked to on the bus that one day, when it was freakin' cold... where did you go?
The boy who accidently hit me in the face at the amusement park... what happened to you?

And not just that.

Those friends I had back in grade 8... why don't you remember me?
The kids in my high school classes that sat behind me... do you recognize me?
The people in my university res... do you notice me?

Odd isn't it? Many times we call people friends, only to disappear. I wonder... did the people I leave behind ever think of me as a friend? Did they ever cry, wishing for a friend, any friend, and ever think of me?

I'd like to think I'm memorable, but the truth is every single one of us is forgettable and expendable. There comes a time when you lose people close to you. The human heart, and capacity for endurance is incredible, but both a blessing and a curse. It allows us to go through the hardest times, but also to let go of the most precious people.

So, to my friends I have left behind... I am so sorry. May we meet again one day, and then, I promise a proper farewell. None of this botched, unfinished business that leaves a gaping hole. If we are doomed to never reunite, then I hope that you'll think of me every now and then. Godspeed, my friends.

Odd

Wow. This kind of sucks. Now I have to go back and change all my poems and stories that claim I'm terribly inhuman and cold-hearted and incapable of emotion. And then my favourite quote needs to get changed into something more appropriate... because right now it kind of doesn't even half describe the giant mind-explosion in my head.

But hey, that's cool. I mean, it's more than worth it. Now if I only knew what to do or say...

Pft. I'm a noob at this. Crazy kumquats.

The Flood

So today, I woke up to screams.

Walking out of my door, wondering wtf was going on, I was instantly hit in the face with a thick, white fog that smelled like a horse's rectum. I also simultaneously stepped into a puddle of what felt like warm dog pee.

Turns out that our heater pipes burst during the night. The common room floor was covered in at least an inch of water, and the wave of doom was slowly converging on my position. I took evasive action (jumped onto my bed) and prepared a swift and effective counterstrike (got a bunch of towels and toilet paper).

Walking out of my room was like stepping into a cloud. Visibility was at a minimum. The water was really hot too, as a result from its source, the broken heater, which was spewing out said water at a few litres per second. Attempting to open the windows only resulted in burnt feet, until I used my hero powers (I ran real fast and screamed a lot) and managed to get both open.

Calling emergency was hopeless. A desperate call of flooding seemed like a prank, so it took about 10 minutes for them to send a response team of one person. During that time, we mounted a defense, consisting of piled up blankets and towels. Unfortunately, the water dodged our blockade and took the most unsuspected and defenseless path: through the wall.

Jonny's room was hit the hardest, with the entire floor drowned in an inch of water that had snuck in underneath the baseboards. The evil liquid, after eliminating 'cell A' began its attack on my apartment, but luckily, emergency services arrived just in time. The woman's exact words were 'Holy Fucking Josephine!' as she called for backup.

Soon enough, the flow was stopped, but not averted. Water still continued to spread itself out, eventually covering 80% of my floor, despite my valiant efforts to keep afloat. The damage was terrible. Wet vacs were brought in, and although the emergency team did their best, extensive casualties occured.

Basically, the final outcome was grim. Jonny had to be evacuated to rm 108, the baseboard had to be ripped off and holes had to be drilled into the walls to leech out the water that had chosen to hide cowardly within the panelling. Our room was not the only one hit. The apartment directly below was awoken by water paratrooping from the ceiling, launching an unexpected attack on a neutral, innocent faction.

Dehumidifiers and 'Tornado' fans were set up rapidly, and the war was won, with few lives lost. The floor is still wet, but that too, will fade in time, and all that will remain is a thick, lingering smell of burnt hair and horse crap.


As the brave and courageous photographer I am, I managed to risk my life to bring you some shots of the battlefield.

A view of the invading enemy. A blockade can be seen in the edge of the hallway, desperately attempting to hold back the impending flood.


Alex was swallowed by the insidious fog, which hindered our attempts to stop the disaster.


The fog was thick, heavy, and smelt like a douched pork chop.


Another view of the water and our blockades.

Shit, was Saw 3 good.

Just downloaded it and watched it. Awesome, maybe one of my favourites because it had a lot more 'human' plot. I always admire Jigsaw's work, but the ending disappointed me a little. Plus the number of 'inescapable' traps was depressing.

As always, the sadist in me felt a little awed by the immensity and complexity of the traps, but I was unimpressed by the actual execution (pardon the pun). Half of the traps seemed too much like elaborate murder, and the other half weren't what I expected from a genius-intellect.

Playing on physical pain is always easy, even simplistic. The rack, flaying, iron maiden... they're all examples of purely physical pain. However, to me, violence is barbaric, and unelegant. Psychological torment is my forte. I find it a lot cleaner, for one thing, and not as hard to set up.

Here's an easy one you can try at home! Although I have to warn you, don't do this at home.

Get a blindfold and a long, thick rope. Pick your victim, and while he or she is sleeping, blindfold them, and tie their hands behind their back. Then, as quietly as you can, take a seat in the room, making sure not to make a sound. When your victim awakens, they'll panic at first. But eventually, they'll begin to think rationally, and this is where your fun starts.

Studies have shown that when one sense is taken away, the others become more prominent. Therefore, your victim's hearing and smell should be heightened, as well as touch. So just as your victim gets comfortable, tap your foot or drop a pin.

Instantly, the victim, who up till now thought he/she was alone in the room, will freak out and panic. Step back into silence again. Eventually, he or she will attribute the sound to the imagination, or knocking against a table, or something like that. Wait, and then touch them. Just carefully brush their back, or their hand.

Repeat these steps until the victim is almost positive they aren't alone. Then, it's up to you what to do. Personally, my choice would be to whisper something incerdibly violent or scary into their ear. Or you could just jump out and yell 'BOO!'

Heh, that beats Saw anyday. Slowly breaking the mind is a lot more satisfying than physical torture.

*disclaimer: no, I am not a murderer or a creep. I just like mind games.

Lol, it's really odd but lately I've been feeling pretty awesome. Most of the time I feel a little crappy (to say the least) but within the past few weeks I'm feeling a lot like I did when I five. Playing with Lego, eating sandwiches, crapping in my pants (nah folks, I was already outta that stage... I think).

So I've written a lot these past few days. Back to my old style too, of murder and mystery and implied violence. Check it out => Arcanum on the right toolbar.

I think it was just after the whole downtown trip I got my spirits back up. I started feeling awesome because I just realized it's sort of pointless to think I'm bored and alone. There are people who care what happens to me (I hope) so why be all emo and depressed? It's not like I'll never see my friends again. And hey, even if I still have to do what I do, as a problem garbage disposal, at least I got people to empty MY problems onto (muahaha!).

Anyways, I took a walk the other night with Jenn and Priscilla and we saw a rabbit in the park. I was a little hungry but it was too fast for me =( . And we also checked out an awesome moon-corona. I dunno if anyone's ever seen anything like that, but it was too dark to take pictures. I did search it up though:

http://home.hiwaay.net/~krcool/Astro/moon/moonring/

To quote: "The ring around the Moon is caused by the refraction of Moonlight (which of course is reflected sunlight) from ice crystals in the upper atmosphere. The shape of the ice crystals results in a focusing of the light into a ring. Since the ice crystals typically have the same shape, namely a hexagonal shape, the Moon ring is almost always the same size."

Why do scientists always have to ruin magic and mystery? According to my theory, the rings around the moon are when the cheese the moon is composed out of attracts thousands of tiny owlicorns that fly in magical circles trying to contact the people of earth.

Okay no, so I just think it's really cool. But it was awesome.

I also headed downtown to watch the Jazz thingie at Mohawk. The FX band was there, so as usual we stuck phantoms everywhere, flooded the bathrooms, mocked the adjudicators and basically fcked around. Great times... Darcy got what was coming to him! Inspired by the performance, I've picked my guitar back up. Happiness = awesome guitar playing. So Postal Service, Decemberists... even that David Usher dude. Which is so cool for me, but kinda sucks for my roomies b/c they gotta put up with my 'William Hung' singing. XD

Anyways, after that I hung out at Jackson Square and got HHG for abt 15 bucks. Considering the recommended sale price was 40 POUNDS I think I've officially reproven my chinese heritage. I've bought so much over the past few days. Just got HHG, I bought Dante's 'Descent into Hell' from Titles, and I've ordered 'It's a Bird...' in advance. So I'm about as poor as a homeless dude on crack. Come to think of it, I have a lot in common with a homeless guy on crack. Huh.



Anyways, yeah! READ STORIES AND COMMENT =>

Downtown Trip

Yesterday, I went downtown with Guy that calls me Not Chester (Wes) to meet up w/ Kina and Alex, who were at UofT. Me and Wes ended getting there an hour late (crappy weather to blame and dumb train schedules) and ended up walking around for abt an hour looking for the two girls. Eventually we ended up on a street corner, trying to decide whether to ditch them and go shopping, or just keep looking...

Me: "So, should we just go?"
Wes: "I don't know, I guess. I still need to shop for Chris and Nina..."
Me: (Looking off into the distance) "Hang on, who's that? Is that them?"
Wes: "No. I don't know."
Me: "Uh... just stand around here, until they get closer. Try not to look retarded."
Wes: "Okay..."
Me: "I already feel stupid."

We stood there, seriously, for like, 2 minutes. We were staring at these two people (indirectly), and they were staring back... I was just shuffling my feet, trying not to look too awkward/freaky/retarded. So, of course, it was them, and they beat us up for making them wait "Half a freakin' hour!!!"


We ended up hanging out at Kina's res. In my own words, "Small, shaped like a trapezoid, like one of those stupid columns we saw that are supposed to look straight from 'perspective,' AKA some builder fucked up." It wasn't too bad, except everything was at an awkward angle, like Michael Jackson's face.




Then the two girls subjected Wes to terrible tortures of the hair. I felt so bad for the poor dude (but it didn't stop me from laughing my ass off).



Oh gawd! The horror! What is that? Whipped cream? Marshmallows? A mushroom?!



Ignore me watching in the background.
I thought it made a marked improvement:



ELLEN!!!

So then after that, we headed down to the Eaton's Center for lunch. It was an amusing experience, to say the least.



Apparently, my snot makes an awesome dipping sauce. Maybe I should market it under my own brand name: Justin's nosemade dipping sauce, comes in 3 colors. Warning: Made cause uncontrolled vomiting.

Shopping afterwards was just as amusing.



Store owner: "Are you buying that for yourself?"
Me: "Yes, it makes me feel pretty."



Excuse the camera blur. I was enjoying myself a little too much.



The girls decided to complete Wes' makeover with a new outfit. I have to say, I don't swing that way, but that's a very pretty skirt.



More Disney-porn. But you know, the real Eeyore would never do that... maybe that's why he's so depressed.



We also decided to go to Nathan Phillips Square. It was a little crowded, so we retreated to a little field in the middle of nowhere.






Needless to say, it was retardedly fun.




I also caught us lunch. Almost. The damn squirrel wouldn't go for the bait.

We ended up shopping almost all day. I picked up a few vintage shirts and a hoodie (Candy tank!), as well as a bunch of memories to keep until the next time.

Hopefully I'll get that squirrel one day.



DAMMIT!

SNOW DAY! This is the height of awesomeness; it feels I've reached my weight goals, finished my homework, and my physics teacher died!

So yeah, today I found out I'm a big dork and most likely the laziest person ever.

I haven't finished my physics homework, I'm slacking off by watching youtube vids right now, and I still get excited over Kinder Surprise eggs. I have a collection of stupid toys on my windowsill, but I'm too lazy to put them in a box or something... Maybe I'll leave them there as a 'testament to my childhood' or something poetic like that... or maybe I'll donate them to some of my friends who never seem to grow up.

Anyways, yeah, I got my writing skill back. A few days ago I was completely out of it, had this huge mental block, and couldn't do shit, including talk to anyone. So I just went out at like, 1 AM and got in round about 4, which was actually a good thing because I had some time to just get things in order. Life here has been pretty confusing to say the least; I feel like I'm on LCD 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time I can't walk straight. Needless to say, writing and thinking has become a chore.

So I've gone back to writing, mostly on the Board. It's weird how so many people are having ideas to write books and novel and crap like that, but not many people stick with it. Personally, I don't think I could ever write on demand. It's hard, for one thing, like swallowing an orange, and on top of that, you're pretty much screwed if the book fails, so it's a huge risk. I'm just going to stick with posting and short stories, and maybe one day I'll have the balls to go out and sell whatever crap I've spewed from my head. Until then... no.

I haven't moved for like, 4 hours. I started to play FFVII... BR... even WC3, after a long hiatus from gaming. I don't find it that engaging anymore. Sure, I mean, they're still fun, but I just have this sense that I'm wasting my time. I'm on Facebook 40% of my day anyways, and my homework is piling up. I haven't even bought my textbooks for Chrissake, so maybe I'd better get on that soon...

Yes I'm rambling, but it's 1:23 AM and I have an early class tomorrow. Hop to it, you fucker.

Make your excuses to the dead,
I'm down in the dumps.
I feel so tired,
And so alone,
And just sort of pathetic, you know?
I hear some mental asylums are pretty nice.
You can get maid service,
Porn on demand,
Cause, you know,
The crazies need stuff like that...
Didja hear about David Beckham?
He's getting 250 million for playing for five years?
250 million...
That could cure homelessness in a country.
That much money could solve most of the world's problems.
Find a cure for AIDS... or cancer...
Maybe we should stick all those managers in the crazy house eh?
So we've established soccer > life...
What else can I say?
I walk around the streets sometimes...
And me being me, lol,
Well, let's say I see a lot of people in the crazy house.
Whether they know it or not...
And now, we got people crying about school,
About friends and family,
And every damn thing.
I remember, in books and stories,
Back then,
When people didn't cry as much,
And their tears wouldn't water their hands.
It seems just like a legend now,
A time past,
When women could walk freely
Without fear of rape,
And children could play until dusk,
And people could breathe clean air,
And abortion wasn't needed,
Because people were responsible.
250 million...
You know, money is really the root of evil.
It has corrupted us,
It has turned us against each other,
It has made us irresponsible...
But anyways,
Not my place to judge, I'm not exactly
Perfect.
Back in the day,
When slavery wasn't there,
When racism never existed...
Where man was created equal,
And discrimination was
A foreign concept.
Odd, isn't it then?
If we were to plot a graph of our decline,
In a year, we're going to die.
Sorry about the math interjection.
But looking back...
When did we lose so much faith?
When did man turn into monster?
When did people become a plague?
I fear tomorrow,
Because I have seen today,
But love yesterday.

I'm not famous.

I'm not an artist,
Or a dancer,
A model,
An actor,
I'm just one of the many people
Standing in a sea of people.
I'm not a leader,
Or a follower.
I don't listen very well,
And maybe I talk too much sometimes.
I can be selfish,
And at other times, generous.
I can be enigmatic,
Confusing,
And yes, a little weird.
Okay, a LOT weird.
But no, I'm not anyone important.
My parents seem to think I'm awfully special.
But to the rest of the world,
I don't exist.
I haven't ever had my 15 seconds of fame.
And I have never been on TV,
And the only time I've been on stage
Is in school plays,
Which I always played an embarrassing role.
The only runway I've been on
Is at the airport,
And the only time I ever dance,
Is in my dreams.
So yes, I'm not anyone you should worry about.
There's not really a point
In getting to know me.
But if you have time,
Sit down here, next to me,
And maybe we can talk.
Cause I might not be anyone,
But I'm someone.
I'm me.
And isn't that all that matters?