One Word

I had an interesting conversation the other day.

The main analogy was that of a rock, thrown into a pond. The rock only knows it hit the water, but can't see the ripples that spread from its impact. Someone watching from above, however, can see that the entire body of water is disturbed. It sounds simple, but many people don't realize that their actions affect other people. As a rock, we usually assume that our actions only affect us, and those we're directly affecting with our actions. But in reality, we're jumping into a pond: ripples spread.

Lately, there's been this 'six degrees on separation' experiment going on. Basically, according to theory, you can relate yourself to anyone else on earth within six other people. As a result of that, any action you take only needs to make six jumps to potentially affect everyone on earth. Although our consequences are rarely that drastic, you can clearly see how much our actions chain from one to another.

For example, offending a stranger might not seem like such a big deal - I mean, you'll probably never have to see that person again. But that stranger might be a friend of a friend, and what if that stranger says, "Hey, you know your friend Justin is a big jerk!"? Indirectly, you've just affected yourself and at least two other people, and probably lowered your friend's opinion of you.

What happens if you sleep with someone? Well, if you or that someone had a boyfriend/girlfriend/secret admirer, they'd probably be upset. And your friends might be concerned. And your friend's friends might get concerned, and so on. It sounds complicated, but think about it: how many of you are concerned about me, because I worry too much about other people? The chain keeps stretching on and on. One simple action can affect hundreds.

I hope it's very clear that one simple, 'harmless' action can have huge repercussions. I'm usually standing above the pond - watching the ripples is my job. And I can tell you that one careless action can hurt hundreds, but one kind word can touch millions. Don't underestimate the power of your words and actions and thoughts - you can kill or save with just one word.

Be careful.

But Don't Jump Off a Cliff

It's an oddity that people are so closed in. Our lives and minds are our own, and despite how much we share, there's more and more that remains unseen. You may be the closest of two people, but it's impossible to know more than a small slice of the core that we all hold.

It just makes it harder to say the right thing. I've been blessed with some sight, and the ability to (sometimes) say what's right, but it's always a risk - which is the point I'm trying to make today.

There's a huge, inherent risk in speaking. The moment you open your mouth, you don't know how the other person will react. You may have a very good guess, but every word you speak is trusting the other to respond as predicted, and there's a certain contempt in the act. For example, speaking to me is a lesson in unpredictability (all of you should already know that).

Risk must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. Isn't that true? We take risks because the rewards far outweigh the consequences. Although things may not always go the way you dreamed, the fact that you tried is always better than asking yourself, "What if?".

I guess what I'm trying to say is to take chances, despite the unpredictability. Say hello to strangers, smile at waiters, shake hands with classmates. Give someone a hug today (as long as it doesn't constitute harassment). Ask that guy/girl out. Don't stop believing.

Summer timez!

It's the close of another school year. I usually rate my life by uphills and downhills, and this was definitely an uphill year.

I owe a lot to Reds for opening so many doors to new friendships. The people I met during frosh week - my fellow Reds, first-years, and all the friends I've found - almost doubled the number of contacts on my MSN list. Granted, we've done some stupid things, but during the past year I've canoed in a puddle, screamed at pedestrians, rampaged through residence halls, and so much more. Without Reds, this year would've been a lot less fun, and I'm really hoping I can pass that awesomeness down to some younger generations.

Of course, moving off-campus was an insane acid trip. Fuck you guys for ruining my life - we've drank grenade juice, called each other Son, lost the Game (I lost the Game), lit fires (or tried to), played some awesome video games, hunted zombies, BOX WARS, It's a trap!, raided Amahl's room, made that disgusting cheese-pickle-pepper-peanut butter-omelet, and whatever other crazy shit. I don't know of any other people I can live with for 8 months without wanting to kill (or without them wanting to kill me).

Then there's the friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin. I don't think I really need to say anything. You guys know me too well already (which is a little scary).

So here comes summer. I hope the next few months will be just as awesome, despite the course I have to take (shitty). Since I'm not using MSN or Facebook anymore, let me know how things go. Peace.

One Week

So here I am, one week without digital socialization. During the past week, I've spent time outside playing football, sitting across from beautiful girls on sunlit patios, eating burritos while playing Smash Bros, and reveling in freedom. It's a wonderful day - I might sleep outside tonight if it's warm enough.

Who knew that technology was so limiting? I guess it's true that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'; I've started to spend more time in real life than online. Not having MSN has been hard at times - especially when contacting people - but it forces others to see me in real life rather than over a faceless connection.

On top of that, I'm free. I still worry about my friends, but now it's bearable - I can let go and tell people to work things out without me - and take time to discover who I am. It's nice when others take the initiative to find you, rather than having to track people down whenever you feel like hanging out.

Things are looking up. The sky is clear and the sun is out, exams are done, and the world is okay.

I'm Leaving

"In my beginning is my end." -T.S. Eliot.

This is the end. I am going. Goodbye.

I'm leaving. It's been a long, hard trip - full of ups and downs - and I'd like to say it was nice, but it really wasn't that great. So I'm gone. No more MSN, or Facebook, or society. Am I a friend, or am I just a tool? We'll see.

If you need to find me, I'm sure you'll make the effort to track me down. For those that will, I'm sorry I had to make things difficult. For those that don't care, well, you'll be seeing a lot less of me - you'll be using a lot less of me. I'll have my cell phone on for emergencies, but I'll find my real friends by the difficulty they have in getting hold of me. Let's see who cares.

My friends, you've told me to walk away so many times. So here we go. I'm making an effort to abandon the people that don't give a shit either way - those that call me their 'friend' only when they need me. It's time to leave this place and head out into the beyond of a social reject. When I'm gone, will you notice?

I'll try and keep this blog updated occasionally. Not many people read it, but for those that do, thanks. I've shared a lot of thoughts and things I usually keep private. There's a lot of my secrets on this little corner of the internet that you can find if you look deep enough... and I appreciate those of you that have been there along my journey. I respect that, and I'll stay with you through this black page.

I've often said that life isn't difficult - it's just the people in it. I'm not much of a person - I'm too hollow inside and that makes it a little difficult. But for all that I'm not, I give you what I can. I give you my nothing. Goodbye.

"In my end is my beginning." -T.S. Eliot.

Where am I?

I remember everything. It was like living a little slice of another person's life. But then again, it's not what I am.

Dark, dark, dark. They all go into the dark. It might not be what I want, but it's who I am, and the need always comes before the want. Be it a job, a duty, a stupid idea... I'm not free until I'm done, and the end is still very far away.