It was pretty hot today, 31 C, so me and my sister decided to go outside for a waterfight with the neighbours. It was really fun, we cooled off a lot and had a good time.

Until I slipped and fell. I basically shredded my hand, and landed with my hand bent towards my wrist, so my tendons are really hurting right now. It wasn't too bad except for a sharp pain when I moved my fingers, but I decided to go in to get a bandage for the bleeding, and maybe some rubbing alcohol because the ground was pretty dirty. It's a lot more purple than it looks in the picture, plus I got some bruises on the other side.


So I opened the front door, but decided I didn't want to get the floor wet, as my mom would probably yell at me. So I called her and asked if she could get me a bandage, because I hurt myself pretty bad, and I'm serious, these were her exact words:

"That's your problem, not mine."

And I went back outside with my hand bleeding, until the blood refused to stop (I guess it was because of the water or w/e, my skin was pretty wet and clammy) and I went back in to get a bandage. My friends weren't too shocked. It happens pretty often, I mean, my mom being a complete...

Sigh. I... I'm really really disappointed and frustrated. I hate this life, and the only thing keeping me alive is the hope that I'll get to move into residence at the end of the summer.

Relay for life was really cool. I didn't have a ride, so I walked to school and arrived at about 5:45. I registered, got a shirt, and went to buy drinks. Our room was awesome, I brought a bunch of movies and we watched V for Vendetta, played cards, ate pizza, chips, drank Barg's...

We started running at about 7:00. It was really wet outside, so for the first three hours we ran indoors. Our team was scheduled, so every 2 hours, a pair would run for 30 minutes, so we always had 2 people on the track. Battle of the Bands was playing too. Many bands were really good, but the one that stood out was the teacher band, which included the music teachers and various other teachers that could play instruments. They played a number of songs, the last one ending with Mr. Vespa playing a 3-minute long drum solo. It was incredible.

The run was amazing too. Outside, when night fell, the stars were shining down on us, and the track was laid out in the parking lot, encircling the word 'HOPE.' We ran around, looking at all the luminaries. It was inspiring to see all the lights, because each represented a wish for the future. My team was really supportive, and we took so many pictures, especially of me doing 'Ninja' things.

There were activities like tug o' war and a dance, along with games, movies and a lot of other fun things to do. But I think the best part of the night is when a bunch of us got sleeping bags and lay under the stars in the middle of the E in HOPE. I actually fell asleep... Marco, Andrea, Maria, Katrina, Angelo, Basil, Westley, Alex, Leanne and Quynh were there too. It was so cool, just to look up and to be with our friends.

Running, watching movies, eating snacks and having a good time, I was still saddened because so many people were lost to cancer, or affected by it. But so many people are running for someone, and even if the fight is lost, we can learn from our loss and have hope for the future.

A man spoke with the Lord about heaven and hell. The Lord said to the man, "Come, I will show you hell." They entered a room where a group of hungry people sat around a huge pot of cooking stew. Everyone in the room was famished, desperate, starving. Each person held a spoon that reached the pot but each spoon had a handle so much longer than their own arms that it could not be used to get the stew into their own mouths. The suffering was terrible.

"Come now, I will show you heaven" the Lord said. They entered a room identical to the first, the big pot of stew, the group of people and the same long-handled spoons. But here everyone was happy and well nourished.

"I don't understand" said the man. "Why is everyone happy here and miserable in the other room? Everything is the same."

The Lord smiled. "Ah, it is simple," he said, "Here, they have learned to feed each other."

It was a good day today until I drove to work.

My mom doesn't trust me. We were driving to my workplace, because my mom is standing in for my boss, who's on vacation. I was driving. The guy in front of me braked, so I braked too, but apparently, my mom thought I had braked too late and started ragging on me about how much I suck. So she refused to send me home after work and I had to take a bus. I had to walk back into the Kumon center, trying hard not to look upset. Everyone asked me why I was back and I just said, "My mom ditched me and told me to take a bus."

And the look of open-mouthed omg-how-could-she-be-so-mean shock on their faces... I had to try hard to control myself because I almost swore at the unfairness of my life. I mean... I don't think I'm a bad kid. So why does my mom threaten me, hit me and mock me constantly? I've run away countless times, I've jumped out my window, I've spent HOURS gazing at knives... I need to get away before I kill someone.

You may not agree with me, I don't think I'm that bad of a kid... to deserve shit happening to me constantly. It was a good day until up to that point. Then everything fell apart. I have... so much to do that I need the car for, and now...

A random stranger gave me a bus transfer so I could get home, and Joanne walked with me to the bus stop. The kindness of friends and strangers over family.

My last concert...

I'm happy and sad at the same time, happy because no more band practice, but sad because band had so many memories for me. I'm leaving behind 'the croaking noise' 'WA!' 'NEVILLE MANT!' 'Ping Pong' and all the things that made band endurable. I'm also leaving behind my friends, and also the music I've lived with for the past four years.

It was fun while it lasted, but it's time to move on. Not that I'm too happy about that.

The concert itself was good. I was the official tuner, lol, so I had to run up and down flights of stairs. Somehow, I also became an errand boy, running and getting folders for people. But the best part was 'Thriller' when we put down the giant PHANTOM poster. Here's me and John posing next to it:

I wish I could've seen the look on Neville Mant's face when he saw this. It was a night to remember. Our last concert of high school, before we all move on to different things. Time to say bye to my trombone. Bye to my friends. Teachers. Jokes, traditions, obscure rituals, 'experiments' and everything else. Goodbye music.

So there I was, hiding around the corner, rubber band in hand. And Joe comes around and I shoot him right in the eye! Into the pupil! And he fell down and grabbed his eye and rolled around and said he was gonna kill me.

Even though there were so many kids on Friday, Saturday made up for it completely.

"I'm sorry. I'm not interested in that kind of Brokeback love." - Nelson

I try to do things, but sometimes when the outcome is different than I expect, what can I do? there's a point of no return. Not everything can be fixed, not everything can be put to rights. Consequences unforeseen, shit does happen, and when it does, I always wonder if I did anything wrong, if I could have said something different...

I regret a lot of things I've done. Guilt, regret, pain, despair... I have to come to peace with myself for many things I've done. But it's hard when the chance has passed for redemption. Where can I go for peace? When the outcome is different than I expected, there is always a hanging, nameless blame over my head, for what I did, and what I said.

The times I wanted to apologize, for all I've ever done to hurt someone, but never did. The times I wanted to tell my friends how much they mean to me, but never did. And if, God forbid, anyone leaves this world, how can I get that chance back? Life is too short, and people flicker in and out, and no matter who you are, death will find you one day.

I've always tried to save others, even at my own expense. But what happens when I fail? Could I have done or said something wrong? Could I have changed the outcome, changed fate? Maybe I pushed too much. Maybe I didn't push enough. What do I say? How can I be sure I don't push anyone off the edge with my words and actions?

Tell the people you care about that they mean so much to you. Tell your family you love them, Tell your enemies you forgive them. Live every day like it's your last, because a lot can happen between today and tomorrow.

I'M SOOOOO HAPPY!

Just joking.

Our robotics team got 4th out of 21. Well, it was 5th, but we tied with the other team, so I'd say we deserve 4th.

It was a fun day. I learned a lot about robotics, and also the creative, innovative ideas that other teams came up with. The goal was robot 'basketball' and the wide range of robots was amazing.

There were robots with catapults, robots with forklifts, robots with cranes, robots with arms, robots with pumps... it was awesome. I really enjoyed watching these robots in action. It was cool to see each team's creativity and unique spirit they brought to the arena.

The teams that beat us were really good. The only thing that irritated me was that if we gotten LOWER in the first rounds, we would have stood a better chance at the gold. It was just the arrangement of teams that was messed up.

The winning robot, named "THE TANK" was a plastic-armored, pneumatic-driven monster. It used a pneumatic arm to pick up the ball and then dunk it into the net, shooting up 6 feet in mere seconds. It was cool, but you could see the idea was a bit unoriginal and simple. On top of that, Mr. Lewis estimated the cost of the robot to be around $5000, as the pneumatics were probably $2000 by themselves. So we got beat by a rich school, while our robot was made from junkyard trash and scavenged parts. It was depressing. I guess money is everything.

The second place robot we nicknamed "Home Hardware" as the robot was sponsored by the company and featured a big red logo on the side. They had an awesome idea for their robot. It had a small hole in front where the ball would roll into. Then two small 'doors' would swing down and lock the ball inside. When they approached the net, an arm would swing down and the doors would open to allow it entry. It would fit neatly inside, scoop the ball up, and dunk it in. It was a marvel of engineering.

The third place robot was very similar to ours, but a lot smaller, expensive and faster. It was the fastest robot there, and we named it "Speedy." It had a forklift style idea, but theirs was tilted foward, allowing the arm to clear the rim with room to spare. We thought they would win, but unfortunately, their arm broke down halfway through their round, leaving them stranded. It was a cool robot, but not very sturdy.

All in all, the competition was rough, but the day was fun. That was the end of the line for us, but good luck to Tank for the nationals. If they win, at least we can say "We lost to the national champion."