Frozen

A delicate dance of love and hate,
We swirl in this maelstrom of life.

Restlessness of hopes unfulfilled and an itch that can't be scratched. Wishful thinking and prayers go unheard as metaphorical night falls on the heart. Longing, and fear, and the sting of bad memories conspire and transpire to confuse and cajole. The urge to jump in without looking, with both feet, to, as they say, 'Just do it', counterbalanced by the fear of rejection and the long-term cancer of bad experience, called 'What if?'

The cold and cruel hands of the past grip the mind and freeze it, holding it in place, while it struggles to free itself. Fingers both soft and sharp mold and shape the pliable dough of the brain until the scars litter its surface like spiderwebs. Held by a rubber band, reaching out for life unfettered, but snapped back to reality by the harsh chains of experience gone wrong.
The tricky sensation of moving forward, while actually sliding back. The hands that hold, unable to let go, tearing and pulling and grasping while shirts rip and skin breaks and buttons fly, until naked and bleeding, with a thousand eyes watching. Misplaced hope in a future only seen by one, and not the other, like a ship dragged by the current to places it fears to go.

*****

I woke up in a dream today, remembering I'm trying to be who I'm not anymore. Your voice, your face, painted on my memories, while I try to pretend that the past isn't real.