Terrified of You

Okay, so. I am totally re-re'd.

I had a reasonably long talk today that made me sort of realize that I have no idea what I'm doing. It just hit me suddenly, like a club on a baby seal. Ahaha. Joking aside though, I really did stumble on my words, which has hardly ever happened before. I'm usually more self-confident in my weirdness, but lately I've been faltering at the line and tripping over my own feet like an idiot.

I know the reason, but it's somewhat personal. Lots of recent events, even today, have altered my perceptions of what I thought was real. I've just decided that some things are out of my control, because of who I am and what I am. Trying to grasp hold of a wish is impossible. Not to sound pessimistic (because I know I always do), but this sucks assholes.

There are lots of closed doors in this world, and I've missed many open ones because I'm scared to walk in. I'm fucking terrified of risk, and that stops me from doing what my heart tells me to.

Shit, I'm stupid. Sorry guys.

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On the other hand, I've watched a plethora of movies lately (heheh, plethora). Iron Man, Forbidden Kingdom, Harold & Kumar, Spawn, Cloverfield, Futurama, Machine Girl, and so much more.

Machine Girl stood out in particular because the main character is an orphaned (and unwilling) amputee who takes revenge on the gangsters that murdered her brother using her machine-gun-arm. Add the fact that all the enemies seem to have insanely high blood pressure, causing any wound to shoot red-kool-aid like a garden hose. Also toss in ridiculous weapons like the 'drill-bra', 'flying guillotine (a bucket with teeth)' and the 'chainsaw foot', and the movie becomes so over the top and so stupid that it's actually enjoyable. It's another example of how something can be so dumb and ridiculous it becomes awesome (case in point: me).

The other movies were awesome too, but since a few of them are more recent, I'll hold back the spoilers and let you watch them yourself. With the amount of spare time I have, I might just become a professional movie critic (only joking, I'm not lazy OR fat enough, but I'm getting there).

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...I'll be the phonograph that plays your favourite albums back / as you're lying there, drifting off to sleep...

Being a guy sucks. I mean, I like the fact that I can pee standing up, and fold maps properly, but when it comes to girls, testosterone is a big inhibitor. Social standards say that guys have to make the first move, and for the ladies that read this, it's fucking horrifying. On top of that, guys are literally always in the wrong. How many times have you seen a guy shopping the 'I'm Sorry' aisle in Hallmark, as opposed to ladies? How many guys buy flowers, compared to the number of girls that buy video games (hey, I don't like flowers, I play video games, deal with it). Dudes always get the short end of the stick, and it's hard as a brick of diamonds covered in uranium 235. Fuck.

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This entry is dedicated to all those guys and girls breaking up at HS graduation, or prom. I feel your pain.