No More of This SHIT

I went to see that Zohan movie with Quynh today, and we ended up talking afterwards at a park. I can give out advice to everyone but myself, so when things fuck up in my life, I turn to my friends.

Life still hurts. Father's Day sucks just as much, considering it's a week after. But let me set things straight here: I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor, and there's no way I'm taking shit lying down.

100% seriously, wow. Not a single one of my so-called 'friends' decided to check up on me, except the ones that matter most. Thanks though, I'm fine. It's bullshit, you know? After events, I spend the time to text and say, "Hey, did you get home okay?" and only a small handful even respond. But when I walk a fucking hour back to my house while piss drunk, who cares? I COULD DIE AND NOT ONE OF YOU WOULD NOTICE.

No, I don't get mad easily. But I spend my life and my time dedicated to my friends, and BULLSHIT if anyone gives a fuck about me. Yeah sure, I'll skip out on parties to spend time with those that need me, but does it even matter? 5 seconds out of your undoubtedly busy life to check if I'm still alive and I can count the number of those people on one hand. Thanks for being there! Yeah, really! I REALLY APPRECIATE THE FUCKING EFFORT.

No, my standards aren't high. I don't expect much from my friends. I'm happy just to have friends. But use me and abuse me and I'll fucking break our bond like a twig. I'm not your tool, and I'm definitely not your toy. I'm fed up of all of you. Yeah, I have friends I haven't spoken to in years, but I know they're my friends. How? First of all, they value me as a person, not an object, and I swear that my real friends will read this blog and come give me a hug, either real or virtual. Because I'm in a fucking mess right now.

Oh, yeah, sure, Justin's cool but he's a closet friend - he's only my friend when no one else is around. Well, fuck you. I get it. Out of all the fish in the sea, why pick the broken one, right? Thanks guys, I'll just sit at home, dealing with shit like a grown-up, while you fucking party it up. Yes, I'm immensely jealous - none of you have to deal with the crap of being a father figure in your sister's life, or fixing the things your dad would normally do, and the millions of other things that just suck in general. WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO.

I got drunk one night, and one of my friends dragged me to his house, gave me a garbage bin, a loaf of bread, a glass of water, and let me crash on his couch. Another friend drove a full hour, round-trip to Hamilton, to pick me up so I could see my sick grandma. Someone else gave up a full night of sleep to stay in the park with me while I just let my heart out. A number of my friends spend every day with me for a year going to McDonald's and wherever the hell we felt like going and we never got sick of each other. Another spent over a year planning a graphic novel with me, spilling our hearts onto the paper. One of my friends has stuck with me since the day we were born. The ones who sit with me when I ditch a party that disturbs me. THERE ARE A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT: FUCKING RIGHT THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS AND THE REST OF YOU BASTARDS ARE ASSHOLES.

Yes, this is a rant. It's a huge rant. I'm fucking pissed off at the world this weekend, and the changing loyalties of my friends. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of smiling and dealing with your problems and then getting left in the dirt. I can only hope that when I graduate, I'll go where my heart leads me while you guys are still stuck back in fucksville, making out like high school kids on Ecstasy. GROW UP.

I wonder if any of you even think of me when you're out having a blast. I've bent over backwards to prove my friendship - what have you done to prove yours? Fucking hate you. Best part is, you won't notice a thing. I'll keep on smiling and laughing and you won't know how much I hate you.


That's it. GTCNCNC is right. I'm going to watch the sunrise. Eat my cereal. Lie awake in bed. The small things in life will be my muse. Sand through my toes and the sky over my head. I don't need people in my life. The world, and my place in it, will be enough.