What am I doing?

Inner peace feels like cherries in spring and the leaves in August. It's like scratching an itch. Like finding a perfect puddle of water.

20080702

Bad Timing

Alright this is going to be pretty dramatic and long-winded, but I really need to get it out.


I never really got over you. When you told me things weren't going to work out, I pushed everything to the side and just agreed. I didn't ask why, because I figured you'd tell me when you were ready. I wasn't going to push the issue, because it was hard for both of us.

But I never really accepted how I felt. I just covered it up with a bandage, and the wound never healed. And when I saw you the other day, something inside me tore open, releasing everything I'd kept locked away. Everyone faded away, and all I could see was your eyes, connected to mine.

The moment passed and I looked away awkwardly, gave you a weird hug, and hurried back to my friends. But I can't lie to myself and deny what I felt. I still feel something in the pieces of my broken mind.

I can deal with it now. I still love you, but I can let you go.

...

Life has terrible timing. I set my sights on a girl who seems so oblivious to my existence, and I'm striving for something I don't think I can reach. This is after I break someone's heart, because I can't be who I am inside without hurting her. And here comes the past, stirring up feelings I thought I had forgotten. Thank you.

And what do I do now? Do I continue to reach for someone just beyond my grasp? Do I go back and struggle to reglue a broken heart? Or do I give in and fall again for someone who told me that things couldn't work?

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