Yin and Yang

It feels so strange to be disconnected from my former self. I've 'remade' my life with the help of others, and so much has changed that I'm not sure what to do with myself anymore.

Introspectively, I think part of it has to do with growing up and getting considerably more mature, and taking a more reasonable outlook on life. Prior to this year, much of my life focused on the theme of despair and self-denial, which resulted in a clash between what I viewed as my moral obligations to help others, and my self-pitying loathing of my social standing. It's something every teenager has to endure, I think, to some extent - the conflicted struggle between despising the 'cool kids' and yet secretly wanting to be one of them. In my case, it was a counterintuitive battle between helping those in mental difficulties and at the same time, despising them for what they did to my life.

Wow, that was a mouthful.

In all seriousness, I think that lately, I've turned my philosophy away from that struggle between 'desire and derision', and more towards a maintenance of 'balance'. What I mean is that I'm willing to strike a compromise between following the rules and breaking them, in acting mature and childlike, and obeyance and denial of social standards. Yin and yang seem much more appealing as a unified philosophy, rather than picking one side and fighting the other. I've always believed in a balanced mentality, but I don't think I've ever considered it to be a driving force until now.

Hopefully, things work out. I'm more willing to take 'two sides' to an argument, and settle for compromises instead of drastic measures. I remember doing things that were 'extreme' in order to get results that were equally dramatic. Things have changed.