What we say is open to interpretation.
Is it so wrong to see the world in shades of grey? Darkness steals away your sight... but light is blinding too. No, I prefer the world of black and white I live in. Duality is my code, and a skewed view is my angle on life.
We're always trying to see behind the eyes of others. How many times have we blocked off the windows to the soul, drawn curtains across our eyes and hidden our thoughts? When I wake up, I cover my face and put on a smiling mask to show the world. Over time, which is real? Have I become my facade?
What happens when it is the dream that awakens, and the dreamer that fades into memory? What happens when the masks we wear become our faces? What happens to us when we pretend to be someone we're not?
Yes, I'm just one person. I'm not that innocent, not that lost, not as bewildered as I seem to be. But I do try at it, and I'm rather good at it, if you haven't noticed. Walrus.
...
I long for many things. A hand to hold mine in the dark. Someone to walk with on that cold river of the heart. Success, as we all wish for ourselves. Happiness.
Is it sad that I don't believe in that anymore? It's like wishing for a pet unicorn, superpowers, a magical lamp. You hope, you wish, you pray, but you're just grasping thoughts and cobwebs. The path I've chosen, the way I've set out for myself, denies me the simpleness of life, no matter how simple I try to be. They call it 'walking wounded', which is just a fancy way of saying you are totally fucked.
It's the porcupine scenario. I want someone to sit with under the stars. I need someone to hold my hand on those cold nights. But I'm a porcupine, and whenever anyone gets close, I push them so hard into the 'friend' zone they get shell-shock. It's the pain of being black and white; either you reject everything, or you absorb everything. My dual sides, respectively. One pushing away the world, while the other absorbing its problems.
Yes, I'm happy in my own way. I'm satisfied with who I am. I wish I could be more, but that relies on my ability to improve, and I'm really lazy.
...
I can't see the future anymore than you can. But I still go at it, working the timelines, trying to do what I can, to twist and turn the innumerable paths we can go down. Altering the present, giving and taking what I can. And no matter what I say, I still have hope. What a hypocrisy. If I were ever in politics, I'd get kicked out of office faster than Wile E. Coyote after the Roadrunner.
Yes, I do what I can, and many times I fail... it's all just black and white.
20070922
Black and White
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3 comments:
You should get a big hug ;_;
IOU
The existence of duality matters. I believe it's within everyone, just as good and evil. What can I say? Well, I personally known some peoople who have the "porcupine scenario as you named it. The existence of duality within them makes them sort of an enigma. It's as self-contradictory as yin and yang, it makes one such a conflicted person. Hence a very confused individual. In fact, I hate dualities.
"They call it 'walking wounded', which is just a fancy way of saying you are totally fucked."
I love that! Hilarious!!!
Just a couple more things...
"When I wake up, I cover my face and put on a smiling mask to show the world. Over time, which is real? Have I become my facade?"
Back to the sad clown point. You know what it is right? It's somone who is sad but hides it. They paint themselves with a cheery mask and pretend everything is ok, but it's all a lie. But why a sad clown? Why not, say, a sad [something else]? Because clowns put on a show to make people happy, but they're sad themselves. Just as a person who's a sad clown wears this mask to give others reassurance, to let others know that everything's okay just as people want to believe. I think, in a way, they're heroes.
And...
"The path I've chosen, the way I've set out for myself, denies me the simpleness of life, no matter how simple I try to be."
It's true. Some ppl. are simply incapable of enjoying the simple pleasures of life. It's hard to be simple when ur mind is racing with thoughts and ideas that are totally abstract. Or just that, some people are way too complicated for reality. Or perhaps very romantic/idealist about life in general. They end up disappointed.
I think I've said enough for now lol.
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