Be Right Back

Hey guys and lady-types. I'm pretty busy what with Vancouver and my cousin's wedding and all that jazz, so big updates will have to wait until I get back to T.O.

Meanwhile, short quips, I've been listening to the new Death Cab album Narrow Stairs and it is ear candy. On top of that, Vancouver is a pretty nice city, if not a little overcrowded with asians. I've seen some awesome sights in the past week, and I'll post some pics up soon. The Plumbline is going well, I've gotten a number of articles done and we're ready to finalize it. And finally, I'm thinking about writing a book based on my very random life experiences, most of which can be found on this site anyways, with some extras that haven't been seen by any other eyes. We'll see what happens.

They might be rich, famous, pretty, lucky, special, and a million myriad other things, but they're not me, and I am me, and it makes me laugh inside.

I'm Awesome

I recently posted a note on Facebook asking people to tell me what my flaws are. It stems from a recent discussion with my mom, where she told me I'm egotistical. My mom is usually right, so I decided to ask my friends for confirmation.

It seems I have a problem with self-loathing. Most people think I'm being way too negative about myself, way too emo, and that I rag on myself way too much. My mom seems to think that I'm doing it to get attention, which may be true. I never realized it myself, but I do put myself down a shit lots, and maybe it is to get attention. I don't do it on purpose, it's just unconcious, but I'll make an effort to change.

So here. I'm awesome. I play guitar like a true musician should. I can write poetry that makes people laugh and cry, and it's been published. I'm in engineering, a notoriously hard program, and I'm doing well to boot. I'm physically fit, lean, and I have abs. I've taken taekwondo for over 12 years and I could kick your ass into the ground. I'm entertaining, hilarious, and manage a humour newspaper distributed to hundreds of readers. I've got plenty of life experience on the streets and at home, and on top of that I've travelled almost everywhere I've wanted to go. I don't spend on useless things and I'm secure with my money. I can understand other people because I have a high sense of empathy. I'm better at talking to girls than most guys because I've lived in a house full of them. People feel comfortable with me within minutes of meeting me. I'd be what people consider a 'nice guy' that you'd feel okay taking to meet your parents. I'm neat and organized, and clean on top of that. I can cook and do my own laundry and I don't need to rely on anyone to get by. I listen to almost every genre of music, favouring independant bands the most. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I go to church nearly every Sunday, as often as I can. I can hold a conversation with almost anyone, and I don't have any enemies. I treat my friends with the highest respect and loyalty. I say profound things on a constant basis, and I've been told I'm wise beyond my years. I've been through terrible experiences and survived and become even better. I'm good at video games and most sports. When I do drink, I have a high alcohol tolerance bordering 8 pints of beer. I'm always willing to help out or listen, and I'm one of the most trustworthy people you'll meet. I can keep a secret forever. I can present a neutral view of a situation, and I can fix most problems within my social circle. I'm in the loop when it comes to popular culture and internet memes, and I can tell really good jokes. I drink my requisite 8 glasses of water a day.

So yeah, that makes up for all the self-hate.

High Maintenance

Analysis time.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not normal. I have issues that make me a non-typical guy, not to mention a non-typical person. I can accept my history as something different, but it's at times like this that I really do hate what life has done to me. If I were any more 'normal', would things be different? And the answer is obviously yes, things would be different, I would be different, and maybe I would have gotten a different answer. I'm not assuming, I'm just wondering. My life has made me who I am, for sure, but it's also made me unusual and hard to understand.

I know my faults clearly. I wish I was 40 pounds heavier and was more aggressive. I wish I was better-looking, less insecure, so on and so forth. It's nothing I can change, because my faults are part of me and make me who I am. Anyone that accepts me has to accept my faults, and it might be difficult because they are a lot of them. As Katrina says, I'm 'high maintenance'. I'm an attention whore and I have an insanely high ego. I know I sell myself way too hard.

I had hoped for a chance but it's better it happens now than later. I do have my slight glimpses into the future after all, and I knew there was a very good chance things would never have worked. But hope, right? Risk, right? Taking the chance to ask was a big step for me. I don't think I've ever gotten a straight out Just Friends and I'm glad I did it.

Anyways, time to move on. It's a new day outside, I'm free, and life always gets better.